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Hi my name is Courtney, and I am a textaholic…
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Breaking Up Without Breaking it Off
| by Courtney Mizak | 10/23/08 | 63 views |
Having gone through several break ups in my life, I have learned a thing or two about how to handle them. What I am trying to understand is this new way of breaking up among our subculture. Is it just me, or does almost every couple that break up seem to still talk, hang out, and/or hook up? As a sociology minor, I am very intrigued by this new concept, and have attemtped to explain the reasoning behind it.
First, the function of breaking up seems to have changed. It used to be a resolution for negative feelings being brought about by the relationship but has evolved into relieving the couple from the pressure of commitment while still avoiding the heartache of missing his/her ex. Could this be the result of a society that is continually undermining the importance of commitment? With divorce rights as high as they are, maybe the idea of commitment is becoming less and less important. The fact that couples are breaking up and still acting like a couple suggests that it is not the relationship they want to be free of but the title of “boyfriend/girlfriend”.
Second of all, having a boyfriend or girlfriend means to some degree that your significant other will like or love you and only you. This makes people feel important and self-worthy. Hence, breaking up often leads to feeling of unimportance, no self worth, and the cliché carton of ice cream (thank you Harry Mart). These feelings of failure and low self esteem may be mitigated by staying in touch with his/her ex.
Yet another possibility for this phenomenon is the pressure to find a life long companion. Okay so many of you are saying “Yeah right I’m in college just living it up, marriage is so far away,” so maybe I speak to a smaller audience on this one. Once a couple breaks up, they realize they have lost another shot of finding their ultimate companion. Girls often feel as if they have failed somehow. Perhaps we have developed a mindset that being with someone and being somewhat happy is better than being alone. Maybe subconsciously we tend to keep exes on hold. That way, if they do not find someone by the time they are ready to get married, there is a back up. Cynical, yes. But it’s possible. If you are looking for a new relationship, however, please keep in mind that this can also be known as ‘baggage’. Only a few potential partners would be okay with dating someone who still has a relationship with their ex.
This way of breaking up that our culture seems to have adopted has me very intrigued. I do not judge people for the way they handle their relationships, as each one is unique. However, I would like to offer some simple advice, as it is painful for me to see friend after friend torture themselves with the presence of their ex. Cut off all ties. Facebook and IM are evil in these types of situation. Although the immediate pain seems worse, it will be shorter lived. Future relationships will be better for it, and so will you.
     
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