| by anonymous | 11/08/06 | 322 views |
Wow, let me tell you, Delaware has some hidden wonders. Two words: Punkin Chunkin. For those of you, who have no idea what I’m talking about, consider yourselves lucky. For those of you who have been to or know what I speak of, I am deeply concerned about your mental health, and I apologize on behalf of the state of Delaware for their pathetic attempt at turning flying pumpkins into a fair.
Somehow I let a group of friends (southern Delaware residents) talk me into attending this sorry excuse for drinking yourself silly. My first thoughts were that I should try something new and give Delaware a chance. Soon I learned that Punkin Chunkin was full of drunken red necks, waving confederate flags, watching pumpkins being catapulted from different types of homemade contraptions, apparently specifically made to launch pumpkins across a large field.
What the hell did I get myself into? How come they didn’t fill me in on these minor specifics before I agreed to go? HELLO, maybe because I most definitely would not have agreed to attend such crap. I had already committed, and I am a woman of my word, so I had to go. I was well informed that I would be the only of my kind there. When I say the only of my kind, I mean African American, black, dark skinned, ethnic, whatever you want to call it; that was me. Later I would learn that I was the only of my kind in other ways, like, sane, normal, down to earth, sober.
If you’re still not getting a clear picture of the ridiculousness that I went through let me paint you a pretty picture.
We had to wake up at an absurd hour on Saturday morning, for something I had no interest in attending. We drove into the back country of Delaware (which is quite an experience if you’ve never seen open fields, with dead deer lying on the side of the road). We followed a huge sign with orange lettering and what seemed to be a pumpkin, but resembled an orange apple. As we pull up to the field, I see these huge contraptions, and I’m not talking about back yard sling shots. These things were cannons on steroids. I thought it was a little much just to shoot pumpkins across a field.
$7 to enter, $2 to park. I couldn’t even believe that I was about to fork over enough money to go buy a nice hot meal at a restaurant, go to the movies, or do something, I don’t know… FUN! We got out of the car on what seemed to be the coldest day as of yet, with our packed coolers and beach chairs.
I wasn’t surprised when people looked at me like I was lost, because that’s exactly how I felt as I walked through a sea of people with no teeth, wearing flannel shirts, and army fatigue, donning a confederate flag somewhere on their ensemble or car. After we set up camp and drank a few beers, I knew I was not going to be able to make it through much more. My black Uggs were covered in dirt, along with my jeans all the way to the knee. All of the people I came with decided to get completely wasted including the designated driver. At that point I completely lost all respect for the Punkin Chunkin and its ability to bore everyone into a drunken stupor.
The main attractions of the Punkin Chunkin were of course the contraptions, that these people clearly spent a whole year building. Well these mammoths were so damn powerful that you couldn’t even see the pumpkin fly through the air. So not only was I bored out of my mind, but I didn’t even have the satisfaction of watching a pumpkin fly across the sky and land in the abandoned field.
The only joy from the entire day was a hot guy that had the cutest kid with him, and the fact that I won two gold fish; which one died soon after. They also had immaculate porter potties. You don’t come around those often. It’s quite pathetic when a box with a whole to pee in is the highlight of my day.
On the drive home I wondered how mankind had survived so long in southern Delaware with the Punkin Chunkin occurring year after year. For those of you who think I may be overreacting and being a little hard on Delaware, I dare you to go sit at that fair next year for 10 hours completely sober freezing your buns off. I won’t be there, but send me a post card and let me know how it goes.
     
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University of Delaware
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