Sorry I’ve been away so long kids, but duty, turkey and various end-of-semester projects called, and I was forced to heed.  This week we get back to our regularly scheduled bitching with something a little different.  I present to you:

Top Five Fads and Crazes I’d Prefer Burned in Hell

1. Wraps

I must preface this by saying that I am one of the leading champions for the almighty union of bread, meat, veggies and condiments that is known colloquially as a sandwich.  I love their delicious range of flavors and shapes from the very depths of my heart, which is probably one of the reasons that this particular fad annoys the living piss out of me.  The other is that I can’t stand stupid, uninformed yuppies who latch onto whatever the TV or internet says is cool and let it consume their life.  First of all, a wrap is not a novel idea; the Hispanic culture has been making “wraps” for centuries only they call them soft tacos or burritos.  Secondly, changing the fucking name of a food does not automatically make it healthy.  I hate overhearing idiots (usually ditzy, oxygen wasting sorostitutes) declining to eat a tuna salad sandwich in favor of a bacon BBQ chicken wrap because “it’s healthier.”  No it’s not, you fucking moron.  Go die.

2. The DaVinci Code

Yeah, yeah, this has been shat on before, but I’m writing this article so I get to pick what I complain about.  My hatred of this book is not only rooted in its shoddy characterization and mediocre writing, though; mostly I just can’t stand it because of the reactions to it. There are two possible ways of thinking after putting down this book: you can either loathe it because it’s “sacrilegious,” or you can adore and revere it because it “speaks the truth” about how the Catholic Church is evil.  Both are equally retarded in that they overlook one glaring factor in this whole mess—the damn book is fiction!  That’s right, Dan Brown made up this story, and while he may have done a lot of research on things that are historically true, that doesn’t mean that there really is a secret society out to protect Jesus’ progeny. And furthermore, even if this was true, I don’t understand how Christ being married and having a kid would discredit all of Catholicism anyway.  It’s not like it was a bastard or anything.  And why would only the Catholic Church be vilified for this and not the other bazillion branches of Christianity?

3. The Hating Christians Bandwagon

Yes, I completely agree that it’s obnoxious to have someone try and force their beliefs on you.  It’s just as annoying and judgmental to assume that every single person who isn’t completely cynical about their religion is some sort of Bill Donahue in waiting.  There are many people who can be devout Christians without crossing the line into asshole-dom.  And also stop fucking forgetting that there are several other religions that are just as constricting and also have a long history of being oppressive at times. Stop jumping on the bandwagon and saying stupid shit like, “I hate all Christians because they’re mean!”  It makes you look like an asshole since it’s exactly the same as yelling “I hate all gays because they molest children!”   continue >>