Jill and Jason Meet & Save Renny! - University of Delaware

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Renny Kane, positioned against a case of Clearance items at Happy Harry’s had tears streaming down his face. He was tasting the salt of a woeful liquid and running countless suicidal thoughts through his head. He would either kill himself by jumping off the new bridge that connects Laird Campus to Main Campus or he would take a bath with a toaster. Either way, he meant business.

Attempting to save his life, Jason and I decided to speak with him:
Jill: Renny, what are you doing here?
Renny: Trying to find a Red Bull.
Jill: Why?
Renny: I need the energy.
Jill: Why?
Renny: I’m low on energy. Are you writing stuff down different then what I am saying? You should, that would be funny.
Jill: OK.
Renny: Tic-tac-toe. A dog almost bit my leg off. Actually, it was just a puppy walking by.
Jill: (Offering him a different kind of energy drink) What about a Rock Star?
Renny: Rock Star’s not my game.
Jason, Who Likes to Interrupt Important Interviews: How often do you shave your beard?
Renny: As often as I feel like it.
Jill: What are you going to do now?
Renny: I’m debating finding a Red Bull and maybe going to East Campus to get one.
Jill: Do you like Mentos?
Renny: I’m Pro-Mentos...And I’m not Pro- most things.

After this conversation, we hoped that Renny’s suicidal thoughts would end, but we are not so sure. After all, he cannot find a Red Bull anywhere and his low self-esteem forces him to believe that he is not Rock Star material; however, he is a member of Stone City, a local band that has even made an appearance at the World Café in Philadelphia.

We leave Happy Harry’s, unsure of Renny’s next step. He is now presented with few options, none of which are too appealing. With his bike still sitting at Brew Haha, his inability to find a Red Bull at any local store and his insatiable sex drive, Renny is doomed to end his existence as many Rock Star’s do–with an overdose on some drug, a bullet through his head or a trip to a rehabilitation center.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Save Renny.

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by scrapdaddy

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check them out here: www.stonecitysound.com or www.myspace.com/stonecity1

check'em out this Sat night at East End Cafe

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IS RENNY STILL BREATHING?! DOES ANYONE KNOW?!

by kelldoon

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renny dude i'm so completely addicted to red bull. its crack. BUT i had the same problem you did. i too, had suicidal thoughts when i found out that there was no red bull in the fridge area with all the other energy drinks. but, it turns out- red bull is so awesome it has its own refrige to the left of all the registers. i know, i know. don't settle for a rockstar. bleh.

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this fish fuckin f=ridiculous....and o love it

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:( I hate it when people post drunk from my name.

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Honestly, I hate all kinds of energy drinks. I think they taste horribly and I can't deal with them; however, I have come across a few new energy "things" lately that I reallllly like:
1) CokeBlac (Coffee and Coca Cola)
2) Vault (ITS SODA)
3) That Green Tea Energy Crap that is the Calorie Burner (OK...definitely not the real title but you get my drift).

Now, that stuff tastes good (but juice and water are better, remember that people.)

by kelldoon

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yeah, see i'm a energy drink junkie. i go to costco and get 32 packs of redbull, and they are gone in two weeks. if i ev er had to do a research paper, i'd try to prove that there is something in red bull that makes you crave red bull. its not the caffeiene. there's something about just opening the can. i cant drink the other ones. maybe tab. but it would be really really awesome if trabant and the other places around campus would carry redbull, kids would totally buy them. those monster drinks are to sugary for me.

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Dude, they are probably laced with MSG and Cocaine and Nicotine and no one knows about it.

And what the hell do you mean Trabant and the campus does not carry Red Bull? I thought it did...fuck, those monsters are taking over.

I say we incite a revolution, even though I do not drink Red Bull. I am just always looking for a revolution.

by notrenny

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update, i found a red bull at the newstand. emergency resolved. weeeeee

by scrapdaddy

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congrats brother! congrats

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Are you currently going to private therapy sessions?

by jessbeas

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If someone ever jumps off that bridge connecting Laird to Main Campus, let me know how you shimmied over the bar, ok?

Also, Full Throttle for lyfe, yo.

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Jess, I have jumped 34,000 times. I am a hardcore mutha.

by hrl

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