We live in dark times, my friends.

Yeah, there’s all sorts of war and political unrest and we’re sucking the planet dry of its natural resources like in a certain video game I won’t mention, but when I’m being completely honest with myself I really don’t give a shit about all of that.  And you don’t either.  Don’t try to lie; you know it’s true.

What I do give a whole pack of rats’ asses about though is food.  Specifically, my food and its condition directly prior to entering my mouth.  Please know that I’m not a health freak and I don’t get my knickers in a twist over hormones, processing, or even Mad Cow.  I’m a huge proponent for the Five Minute Rule movement…provided that the food hasn’t come in contact with a floor that people and vermin have been stepping, eating, and God knows what else on.

Now let’s talk about the Main St. Dunkin Donuts for a minute.

Those you who have had the pleasure of patronizing this establishment will be familiar with the kind charm of the staff.  And by that I mean they have the bedside manner of unstable mental patients.  While ordering, the cashier will stare at you blankly, typing something in the register completely different from what you’ve just said, and the second you ask a question or correct them, the employees will fly into a hyper-active rage.

It seems that besides sloppy customer service and incapability to fill an order correctly, the Main St. Dunkin Donuts has added a new trick to their repertoire: flagrant disregard of the FDA.  A friend of mine who visited the store recently came back absolutely disgusted, reporting that one of the employees had dropped someone’s bagel, looked around to see if he’d noticed, and then gave it to him anyway.  Because this staff has a flair for adding insult to injury, everyone behind the counter then laughed uproariously.

Shameful, Main St. Dunkin Donuts, even for you.

How do you combat this?  Honestly, you don’t, at least not in a way that will leave you feeling morally justified.  Sure, you could call them on it and phone into the Better Business Bureau, but even if they get shut down, some other seedy, underhanded staff will take their place.  Instead, I suggest something really spiteful like pretending to drop your change into the tip jar and then at the last minute yanking it away, intentionally spilling coffee all over a newly cleaned floor, or ordering something with beef in it and asking them to try it.  Trust me; I used to work at 7Eleven.