| by Peter Scrivani | 5/02/07 | 1314 views |
You can get away
with a lot of stuff in college. You can change your style, your hair color,
your religion, your friends, but can you change your species? That question keeps
me up at night. I could see myself as a gorilla. I’m large, hairy,
appreciate bananas, and own a kitten. So I did what any species-curious guy
with a lot of free time and a few bucks would do. I bought a gorilla suit. Now
dancing around my apartment in a gorilla suit is fun, but to really appreciate
the suit, you have to venture outside and walk amongst people.
My first experience
with the gorilla suit was Friday night, at Ivy Hall. Early on, the suit was met
with mixed results. A few people thought it was funny, some stared, and some thought I was a
jackass. Not the result I was looking for, so the suit came off for a bit.
Luckily, booze came to the rescue. Nothing makes a gorilla suit more hilarious than
10 beers. So, once again, I donned the suit. Around 1:30 I walked outside
to get some air, since it is damn hot in a gorilla suit. Outside were two very
attractive girls wearing what looked like tiaras. They were holding balloons
and were a little drunk and a little loud. I have a habit of opening doors like
Cosmo Kramer, and apparently a drunken gorilla bursting out a door scared these
two girls. After calming the girls down and assuring them I wasn’t a real
gorilla, it got funny. It was one girls birthday. We’re going to call her Amy. Amy got the idea
that since it was her birthday, I was her gorilla. She started to pet me and
call me her “birthday monkey”. After tying a balloon to my furry forearm, she
invited me to another party. I figured what the hell, this has to turn out
interesting. So off we went:me, my friend and a whole bunch of random strangers. Walking up academy street
wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be, a few odd stares, one or two police
officers seemed to debate stopping, but nothing juicy. Finally the group
decided that they were hungry so we took a detour to Freddie’s. Even that was a
disappointment.I’m guessing they have seen worse, as all I got was a few chuckles and a “what
the hell”. I decided to just head back after that, saddened with the lack of
shenanigans.
The gorilla suit
adventure wasn’t over,though; I woke up Saturday ready for one more shoot at some tom foolery. Chapelfest. A huge amount of
college kids, beer and bad decisions. A perfect place for a man in a gorilla
suit. I got ready, suited up and out I went. As I walked along Chapel Street I was a
celebrity. I have never been touched by more people. I gave high fives like I
had just won the Superbowl. Everyone wanted a photo with the gorilla suit.
Everyone had the same question, “Are you hot in there?” Cups of beer were
handed to me, hugs were given. I was drunk with power. It wasn’t all photos and hugs, though. The anti-gorilla folk were in the
crowd. One man punched me in the head, one guy decided that punching a gorilla in
the stomach is funny. It isn’t. Another guy executed a flying tackle on me,
dropping me to the ground. His excuse was “I thought you were someone else”. Apparently he hangs out
with a lot of guys in gorilla suits. I will find you Mr. Pink Shirt, the wrath
of the gorilla is upon you. Someday a furry pile of vengeance will be waiting
for you. continue >>
     
|
University of Delaware
)
