There are two ways to make a truly shitty movie.  One option is for the cast and crew to wake up from a 60-million-dollar party with music, hookers and leftover blow only to realize that the movie is set to premiere in 10 minutes.  This gives us movies like Mr. Deeds, which are so obviously the result of drug abuse that they end up being somewhat entertaining.

The alternative method involves pansy emo “boy” actors whose winsome sensitivity somehow fails to portray the romantic hero in a credible manner.

Wikipedia does a better job of explaining The Invisiblethan I ever could, so here’s the general idea:

High school student Nick Powell (played by Chatwin) is assaulted and left for dead after a tragic case of mistaken identity. However, he fails to “cross over” to the afterlife but instead remains in limbo between life and death, thus becoming literally invisible. As an invisible being, Nick watches helplessly as his mother (played by Harden) and the police search for his attacker. Unbeknownst to them, he is just hours away from perishing: Nick must find his attacker, Annie (played by Levieva), before his body expires. She is a troubled teen who is neglected (thus metaphorically invisible to others) after the death of her mother and is on the run from the law. In the end, Annie saves Nick, but by saving him, dies because she isn't treated for a gunshot wound from earlier in the film.

            By the way, I don’t give spoiler warnings, so blow me.

            David S. Goyer apparently doesn’t know how to make the first kind of shitty movie, let alone a good one.  If you haven’t seen The Invisible, don’t, it sucks. But, for the sake of those forced to endure this dead baby of a thriller, here are three suggestions to help make it tolerable.

1)                 Cast Sayid Jarrah as Marcus   continue >>